A new credibility controversy erupted in the Kerry campaign after
pictures surfaced of the "Pro-Choice Catholic" candidate throwing
communion hosts back at the Vatican in protest of the Church's
anti-abortion policy.
"Back in Nixon's Vietnam, we had no choice, which is why I bravely
took a stand and returned to the United States after getting three
minor wounds in three months. While George W. Bush was AWOL from the
National Guard, I was busy protesting and testifying before Congress,
accusing fellow American servicemen of rampant war crimes, thereby
boosting my political profile so that I would be able to seek public
office and fight for abortion on demand."
Kerry then said the communion hosts actually belonged to someone else,
and were really Necco Wafers, so as not to upset Catholic voters, but
if they had been real hosts and really belonged to him, he would have
thrown them to show his solidarity with the pro-choice voters. "The
Catholic Church is like the Bush administration- both of their
unilateral, black-and-white, right-and-wrong policies have led to
tragic disastrous consequences throughout the world!" Kerry stated.
"As President and Pope, I would reach out to other countries and
religions and build policies and doctrines based on consensus,
understanding, and respect for their beliefs!" after which Kerry's
wife, Teresa, was heard to mutter, "Nuance, schmuance! I knew they
stuck that botox needle in too deep!"
Another Dave Schultz Web Site
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